The first work that I painted here in Lima. First on this canvas I begun to paint the copy of my own work for order, but the person who made order desappeared for a while, and I thought why the hell I will paint this painting on the big sized canvas now, when I am now sure this person will take this painting. So for a moment I decided to stop, and to paint another on this canvas, even though I have another empty canvases. I didn’t like how I began that first work, something was wrong from the first step. So I just decided to paint any surrealistic painting. I just wanted to paint something… But in this momet in the first time of my life I really understood how it is hard after long while, after year working only for order return and do not paint thoughts of others, but paint mine, my own thoughts… It was really difficult. But I just decided that I need to return to my painting, because all this long while I painted for order was just for saving me and my painting and that’s why it is impossible to get the first trouble and to stop. So I decided to paint the real situation which is happened with me in that moment of my life ( March-Aprel 2008). I appeared in absolutely another world for me, yeah it is really close to the world I grew up, but it was cardinally another if to compare with Russia. So all was a bit strange, because it was normal and right… without games and intrigues. …Time is symbol of time that this person needs to spend for study her new spaces. Strawberry & cream is like an erotic symbol, cheeze is like a symbol of thing that can survive in very strong condition, I mean if you will take a stick which looks more stronger than cheese and will press it you will break it, but such thing like a cheese it can change it shape, and more better for surviving and adaptation for new spaces. Anyway for first time when I just began this work I was really disappointed, another time in my life I felt that I lost my gift, and that’s all… I will never paint anything else. But I anyway feeling this moment is still continuing, though now I understand the reason for it is another, and I know that I just need now to be strong and to continue, just paint, and to not think that I lost something or not. I feel if I finish all those paintings I have now not finished, all will be ok… I just was lost for a moment. The same moment I had in Summer-Autumn 2005. I did it in that time, I returned and painted many interesting works, why I can’t do it again, and also if to read the horoscope for my symbol, for scorpio, there is such comparing scorpio with Phoenix ( bird who died in Fire and then rise from her ashes), so in my life I felt this many times, and now again…
So the first idea was to make a series of naked women, for this moment it is interesting for me. And i decided to try to create such series. This one is the first one, i chosed the theme from the history. This girl is that great courtesan, Tais from Athens, the lover of Alexandr the Great. And I also like the song by Sting “Desert Rose”. So I wanted to paint this naked girl, this Tais, as a Desert Rose. And as a background I decided to make the Uzbek ancient architecture. Ok, I began to paint, and all was ok, the work went well… But I wanted JUST to paint work, and that it doesn’t have reflection in my real life. So first thing which happened is… I painted Tais, she is black haired. And accidentally I changed the hair color. Ok, it is not so dreadful, as it seemed, but anyway. Ok now I even stoped for a while to painted this work because I feel it is like a some kind of fight, between me and this painting. Because my relationship with my country right now is very difficult. I have a problems with documents. And here in this work, it is like a person, who looks in her Past… But the only thing for this moment I didn’t find a key, how to show the she and backgroud are separated, that is only background, showed her Past, and showed the beauty of ancient architecture, and the contrast between ancient beauty, and young beauty, beauty of her body. So now I am trying to find this key, and to finish this work. Also I feel as soon as I will found this key, my situation in real life with documents will be done. So I believe this days I will do it, I will find this cure for it. Anyway for me it is very strange, at the first time I am feeling such strong relationships between me and my painting, it feels like it is very proud person, and I am with my crappy goat as a car absolutely impossible to come to her So I neet to find that thing which will help me to melt her heart off…
I didn’t understand, but I felt something weird in this my painting while I was painting it.
First I couldn’t change anything in it. This painting wanted to be just the way it is, just such it is now, just such as I have imagined it at first when I made a pen-sketch in one of my copybooks. Few times I wanted to change something there, I tried to do it. But anyway I came back to the first idea. It seems like it didn’t allow me to change anything. This painting lives outside of me.Then another weird thing while I was about to finish this painting, smb wrote me a comment in my guestbook, and compared my works with paintings by Giorgio Chirico. I have so great shame to write this lines now, but really in that time I even didnt know such painter like Giorgio Chirico. Anyway I checked his works. I’ve found his paintings in Net. And one of his paintings surprised me SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH. The one called – “Love Song”. And I was wondered ’cause in this his LoveSong, I found details of my painting I was working on that time.
And at last another interesting thing, on the Sunday’s evening when I was working on this painting and with my ears were watching TV (: – just listening. There were the show EuroVision 2006. There was D. Bilan from Russia. I so many times heard and listened to this his song ( “Never let you go”). I so many times watched his clip to this song. But I was so surprised when I heard and saw this his song on EuroVision. His show also so reminded me my this painting. And it seems not only to me. My mom also found some likenesses between this his performance and this my work. The most simple likeness was in the rose-petals and in the white figure of strange person.
Another time it’s confirmed that the ideas are floating somewhere on the high levels of the atmosphere accessed by some number of people
“Self-portrait. Imitation to Durer.”
Really I love the paintings by Albreht Durer. Especially his portraits. But it is a pity about existing of this portrait by Durer I have got to know most later than about oter his works. And as soon as I saw I fell in love with this one and decided to paint my selfportrait in such interpretation. The most funny thing I painted this self-portrait twicely. First I was painting it very quickly. Just a few days and portrait was done. It was very fresh, spring portrait, with pure spring emotions and feelings. But in that time (March of 2004) I was at the 10 level of my school. And at the school’s exams administration of my school also fell in love with this portrait and took it for school collection. Yeah, I was discouraged. I was so sad, and angry on the same hand, and decided to paint this portait another time, and dont show it in school. And in that summer 2004 I began to paint it again. BUt the work was going a bit longer, I began quickly, but the middle of work was very long, I stoped few times for a long whiles, during was thinking how to make it better. And only in the middle of the Autumn 2004 the second Portrait was done. First I thought this second portrait is not good, it is much much worse than first. And that is the reason why I painted it so long time, I all the time lost sure abt i am doing a good. And I was thinking so much abt first one, I was sure that it much better. But Life really a wise thing, she let me chance to see my first one. At the 11 level of my school I accidentally saw it. And I was wondering THIS FABULOUS OUTSTANDING FIRST ONE is not so Great as I was thinking. Yeah, it fresh, but when I compared it with second, I feel thatfirst portrait looks not finished. And since hat time I understood I love this econd one. And I don’t regret that administration of school took the first portrait. If it had not been so, I would never have painted this portrait.
“Two portraits of Durer, pomegranates and I.”
This portrait I began to paint at the March 2004 as soon as finished working with First portrait Imitation to Durer. And first I made this one like sketch, like a very fresh portrait. Then I put this sketch to the wall of my room. I often looked at it. And in summer 2005 I suddenly decided to finish it, to add some architecture and sky(as my mom says my favorite thing sky) to background. While I was chenging it the ideas came to my mind, and I already decided to add pomegranates, and portraits of Durer. When I was in process of finishing this work I had very strange period of my life. I thought I never could paint again at all. I began many works at that time, but many of them I couldn’t finish in that time. Finally I was angry to myself VERY VERY MUCH! And said to myself: “I CAN! AND I’LL DO IT!!!” Anyway I have finished it. But I’m not sure that it is a good work. May be because it is not canvas, it is panel. But most probably because of those memories about that time.
“Self-portrait… It seems to me we have something to tell to each other…”
This is my favorite self-portrait. I love to draw and to paint myself. And after New Year 2006 I wanted to paint the new self-portrait. I don’t know why and how but at once I’ve understood that Venice should to be on the background. In one art magazine I’ve found the reproduction of Canaletto’s painting “Bay of San Marco”. And I used it in this work. I tried to do this work full of my senses. And it seems to me I could to do it. Anyway people pay great attention to this work. Many times when ordered portraits asked me to paint Venice for background, or use a Duke’s palace. Though I was painted this painting for one person, and really I din’t get the positive reaction in the first moment and for a while he made me thing I painted a very terrible portrait. And so I made this portrait hidden in my room for a while. But then I felt that I missed it, I need to see it. Strange feeling but I was wondered how good is this portrait, when I saw it after a long hidden time. And since this time this portrait with me, yeah, twicely I was needed to take it off from the frame, when I twicely was moved. And even few monthes ago, I made a mistake, turned off the refregerator and I was not at the home. And when I came back this portrait was lying at the next room at the flour, so i found it was getting a bathroom. I was so angry at me, and at the next few weeks I ordered the frames for all canvasses i had without frames. But thanks to God portrait is ok.
“Portrait of my mother”
When I looked to the “Portrait of Maria Lopukhina” by Borovikovsky, I always thought that she is my mother. I mean that it is a portrait of my mom. I ws so proud, in my house I have a few books, and art magazines, where is a portrait of my mom. I was a little girl and very often asked my mother: “Is it your portrait?” She always answered “No, no…” In such moments I thoughts:” Why does my mother lie me?” Anyway in the Autumn 2005 I decided “My children’s dreams have to come true!” And I have begun to paint this portrait. In that time I have made a sketch of this work only. I had a long while when I was a bit afraid to come to this painting, I was not sure I could. And in Apr. 2006 I’ve returned to this work. Yeah, this portrait is very resembling to my mother, though my mother didn’t pose to me at all. I have painted it without her and her photos. She says I could do it because I know her very well. I’m completely agreed with her.
Anyway I think it is a good portrait.