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Self-Portrait, photo

Self-Portrait, photo

Recently I was having a very small photo session. I was expired for that just looking to the mirror and finding that I do like the way my hair goes. And it was very?spontaneous. So this photo is the idea what I wanted to get.

portrait

Model in her Thoughts

Model in her Thoughts

I began this painting in summer just after I finished my college. I have painted her, a bit of her face and most of her background. I wanted to make a free fresh background, painted with a knife, and show a colorful show in the arch. But then I stopped and have a time-out with this painting. In generally I made a mistake that time, ’cause I had a lot of unfinished works in different styles, I noticed, for me important to keep idea in the mind, that it inspires me. And if I have few ideas in the mind, for me it doesn’t work completely. ’cause I do not get fully satisfied with any of them. So reviewed this error I’m trying to not repeat it more, though accidentally something similar is happening now.

model sketch
Anyway after beginning in summer I returned to Model in late Autumn and finished somewhere in December. But I am very sad I couldn’t keep her first face, so clean and light as I did it when I returned to continuing of this painting. So all was almost done and I was pretty happy to see as things turning on again to being such as I wanted to be. But I had an unexpected conversation with guy I had affair with. I tried to lost myself in painting sit and I just made the black dots of her eyes darker. I DID NOT change any shape, BUT her look changed from angel face to angry bitch. I don’t know her eyes was soo angry. And this moment my mom asked me what i did with her face, what happened? I said that I do nothing, just made them darker the dots, nothing more. Mom noticed that her mood changed to my mood, and after this moment she asked me Why do I do that for her, to one who doesn’t deserve it, and also she asked me when I am in any bad mood do not paint works, that contextually created to have another one.
model detail 03
I cleaned her eyes with diluent, i have only wed last layer of the dots i made, all others were dried. And was worked on her eyes next few days when I had better mood. I could change them a bit. But they anyway lost that child-light look. They became more adult and serious. Now when I look at her I see she is not sad, she smiling, though who knows what is under the mask.
Also I was using a figures of Botticelli. I used them ’cause they are very suited to this my painting, at least I think so.

model detail 02

model detail 01

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Model

Model

This “Model” appeared first as a repeating drawing in my sketch book. I was drawing her many many time. I just wanted to draw something, some simple drawing, but she all the time followed me. And I was drawing her. I like to draw a lot with simple pen. And She was draw exactly that way. I will make a post one day about my pen-drawings, where I will put some photos of them.
2004 I was studying, had some empty canvases and a Big Desire to develop my style. So I was painting those sketches that followed me. Nothing more…
But hidden idea appeared itself ?and replaced empty context of just simple sketches. And now you see work about artist’s model. Who is like a bird in the cage of his/painters bohemian life. She gazing to window like a hope she has. ?She is tired of being in frames, that is surrounding her.

Model

Anyway now I think even under this easy written context I can see my thoughts of that time. I felt like I live in cage. And that I need changes in my life.
Her body changes colors in some parts, for me it says about she is like a chameleon looking for a suitable position. Well in my case I also was searching for it, for position, which will make me feel comfortable, for balance and?for harmony.

Life & Tree of Life

Life & Tree of Life

Life is the second example of a sketches that i was doing for my degree-work in the art school. But it was not approved. Teachers said that it look like cartoon or book graphic. And that they were wrong asking me to search something else, that the first sketch was soo great, and I just wasted time doing another ones. Anyway I am finding this one more interesting for me. Cause even that time I noticed that I prefer more to paint and draw surrealism, but not 2D. I don’t know why my mind do not think in 2D. I was trying many times doing abstraction, well it happened, but I always finding myself beginning to add a volume to shapes. And to be really honest I am finding impossibly difficult to keep myself thinking and see things not in 3D.
Life
Anyway that time I was really disappointed because of words about this second sketch.
And I had to convey the pencil sketch from A4 to 105 & 135 cm, exactly the same, so I was using a grid method. Sketch was exactly the same as was work, the only difference was cat, cause I changed this character later to more suited one. The pencil sketch looked something like that:


I don’t know why I came to create work with such meaning. I just remember I was long time thinking about what could I do. That year when I was painting those works at the first time for history of my art school we were allowed to make works in Surrealism. And I remember I was making many sketches before accidentally I just began to draw and just watching where the pencil will bring me. And this B & W sketch has appeared that way.
My classmates I remember also were trying to create a surrealistic works, but anyway all of them made a realistic, something classical for degree work.

Tree of Life

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