Newest-Latest Painting – Selfportrait
So today I finally began this my new selfportrait. Though few times was gonna stop myself at the morning and begin next week. Well I had few reasons to change my decision.?
First of all I awoke a bit later in 9.20, and had breakfast till 10.30 reading emails, and bible(I usually read 1 chapter in day and usually find there some answer of what i m thinking ). Then I thought too much time I lost ’cause awoke later and still need to wash hair & to put it in order. Then I said well but I wanted to paint today and I will do it, nothing will stop me.
Second I finally put myself in order spent just 15 mnutes and was ok… But I had no time all week to go to order me new contact glasses. My ones had a problem and I do not use them, only in cases if i need to make some photos and I need to see and be without usual glasses. Because of my ones are old, protein pimples appeaed on the out surface of them. So I can support many things but that is very difficult to stand when smth is itching your eyes when you blink. Well anyway I was obsessed of idea of this new painting so I decided I will begin ANYWAY, as I said before, nothing will stop me!
Third reason when I was already about to leave idea of panting today is when I was puting this big canvas 110 x 80 cm to tripod… I needed somebody to help me ’cause tripod doesn’t want to stand while I puting canvas. It all the time fell LOL, opened its legs… Well after it fell 3 or 4 times I was really angry, plus contact glasses hurt my eyes, this F!!cking tripod is falling and falling. I just scream to my poor tripod, name it who it is ( lol in russian, ’cause in that language such words are more powerfull xD… well I made it soo loud even my favorite noisy neighbours became silent, probably didn’t understand my words, decided that I was angry at them…) Anyway I got calm understanding that this poor not alive thing – tripod understood that I want to paint today and it must help me. So after all those words it stood well as I needed it and didn’t fall more.
So well finally I began it… Even though I had no so much time ’cause of eyes… But anyway I got some result for today, And here I am publishing it…..
"Untiteled"
“Untitled”( first name – “Refreshing for Love.Rose for you.”).
Technical comment: First of all I have idea to paint selfportrait with a sky as a background. But the idea that to paint me in the mirror and to have a sky on the background and real sky. So for that I changed position of my big mirror and opened window as much as I could. Though bad thing I lived in the first flour in that time, and we had a lot of small trees next to the window. And well I could see sky, but bad thing in the room was dark. Probably I must to put more reflexes to my face. So in my opinion this portrait doesn’t have too much good technical background. Cause for me the shadows are too much dark. Though on another hand these shadows add to portrait that mood that it has.
Idea: to paint selfportrait with rose and sky background. And I wanted to try to convey my feelings to canvas. So on one hand I can say I could do it. Though on anothe hand NOT, cause idea was Painting about Love. But there is mre suffering, sadness, than Love. Cause that period when I have begun this work my mood was so discouraged & miserable. While I was considering this idea, my mood was good. I felt Love without Pain in my heart. But then all changed and all these terrible, unpleasant things appeared in my soul, heart and mind.Well the idea/better say reason to paint a rose as an element for this painting, the same as for painting :Chrystal Sphere” was the roses that weirdly appeared in my house during few evening that summer. Anyway till this time I still don’t know send me these roses. My house was full of these roses. And a part of them I conveyedto these 2 paintings. Anyway if “Chrystal Sphere” has magic magnetic weird secret light soft feeling of Love. This Second Painting doesn’t have it.
Why Title was changed – hmm well that is the question. I changed it, ’cause I understood it doesn’t match. Tell me does smb can find anything abt refreshing for love in this Painting? I can’t…
Price – lol, I just saw a price. Hmm well may be I will consider. But anyway if to remember all that pain I have I think the price even small. But in my opinion when I considering it just like a work I think why soo big…. Ok may be I will find any solution.
Confessions of a coffee-rot mind
a million sighs are surrended
confessions, of a coffee rot mind
between the creative mind and
a head full of too much coffee, heh
an ongoing battle between art and too much thinking
not sure if it’s the wind,
rain or the noises outside
the seashore always gently breaks
softly at the feet of a sweet pink princess
a million sighs are surrended whenever
my affections think softly of this pink princess
the roses, in my garden… that i planted for her
can and will never replace her
to be or not to be… she truly is
to be… the coffee that she drinks
not to be… any evil she has in her soul
a candle so softly burns, in her shadow
like the seashore outside her window
my affections, are the waves breaking
on her toes, that wash her feet
my affections, that wash her feet
her shadow, will never replace her
with the softest eyes
softer than 10,000 bags of marshmellow
with the gentlest looks
more gentle, than a litter of puppies
playing on a summer’s day
she holds the universe, with one brush of her hair
sets the oceans awash, with one gentle smile
like a crushing portrait, forever brushing my affections
with the gentlest looks, sets the oceans awash
strawberry smiles and the softest touch
she makes the nightsky seem pretty ordinary
the softest eyes, like a crushing portrait
a litter of puppies,will never replace her
the moonlight, that she gazes upon
my affections, like the oceans
forever will wash her feet
lit by her burnt out candle
her shadow, will never replace her
the sandcastles that are washed away
outside her window, she gazes upon the castles
made of sand, being washed away
softly, at the feet, of a pink princess
Freedom in the Cage
Another Strange period of my life made me paint this work. Though before it I thought about the idea for this painting and image of this painting appeared in my sketchpad time to time. But anyway it was just like interesting composition, without meaning. It was empty, Just sitting girl, holding a window in her arms. In that January before I painted this work I accidentally understood, this girl was me… And I’m holding in My arms this window, that is my freedom. Which seems to be in the cage, though from another side it’s FREEDOM, & HOW FREEDOM COULD BE INSIDE THE CAGE? So in this case I’m in the cage holding the only window I have there and which is like a cage. But that is where my Freedom belong to.
If to think about a technical part of this painting. So well here i am using a traditional method of oil painting. Though well if to open cards, in this work I in the second time was using the real white color. Till Dec. 2005 I always made the white color by myself, buying a special powder.
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Life is Short. Or Thrown Away Doll
I got an idea for this painting on the way home after the very dreadful conversation 06. 28. 2006. In that time I had another boyfriend, and it was only online relationship. But conversation was really serious and very painful. We were fighting… And in that point Iwas abt to finish all. So I’ve been walking in the street and I’ve seen a doll, a thrown away doll lied on the ground on my way home. It seemed to me we both looked very similar… And not only red hair… This my thought made me feel a shock. And I feel so pity regarding this doll, so I could not just look and do nothing… I took this doll and brought her to my home. While I was going home with doll, I got an idea for this painting, to paint this doll. And probably in any case myself…
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