Strange feelings of first flying, I never used planes before that time, I never left my hometown before that time, I never was in the air before that time… But feeling was realy strange… It was night, and I hardly could understand that I was on the plane flying. It seemed more like I was used a bus, such type as those ones which run between cites. Everything was too strange. All thoughts about what will be there, hopes for the best, and I dont know why but in my mind during all those flight hours I remembered the lines of one strange short poem, written by one friend of mine…
Man, you sure are bright girl! Were you raised by the stars?
I was just checking your tag to see if you were made in heaven.
Is that a run in your stockings, or is it the starway to heaven?
If beauty were crime u;d be doing life
I’ve lost my house key can I have urs
Save water, shower with a friend
Can you help me find my puppy? I think he went into this cheap motel room
If I had a Library card i would check you out
You’re so hot you would make the devil sweat.
Just because yoour computers are incompatible, doesn’ mean we are.
Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?
I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away!
However I don’t know did he write it himself or just used. But anyway these lines appeared in my mind and touched my heart soooooooo painfully, even made the tears appears in my eyes…
But I was not alone, I was with my mom… 5 or 6 hours, we were flying, I don’t remember exactly. Time passed quickly. We already were in the land and suddenly in that moment I felt so real how much cruel life can be… I mean how much cruel people can be. ( Because Life is a subject, not an object. Life is such people do it)
It was raining when we landed, little, but so unpleasant… The first bus was full and the girl so cruelly pushed me from the door, like I was not a person, but like I was an animal, which is impossible to understand words, and only understands actions. But i didn’t pay so much attention to it in that very moment, I thought ok probably she had a bad day.
Nobody met us, we were absolutely alone. But we needed to think quickly, and decide how to be. We are in St.P., in the airport, next to South part of city. So while we were standing at the control of checking the documents we were talking to girls, about where we can get connection for my cellphone, to buy sim card, or even to find a telefone, to call for taxi. They said somewhere in airport. So as soon as we were going to get our things and get documents checked we were going to search for phone. But one strange airport-service-girl stopped us, she was from service for migrants. And she was explained us that we need to get health insurance. And she asked us to pay, and if we will pay for 1 or 2 years we wil get a very good price. She was really unpleasant because of her pressure. So all her explanations were stopped by: “Ok, well what is the most small period we can pay now, and then to refresh, she said one month…” Ok we made it very quickly, and took our things, few bags with paintings, and were on our way to the exit, when porter tried to stop us offering his help… But really it was not a help. It was only a thing he wanted money. We were angry enough already, and we just took all things and moved to the exit without paying any attention to that guy. The only thing we asked him and other persons was where could we find a phone, but they didn’t know. So we were very close to exit and that price the porter asked, was so unbelievable high for that…
…Mom wanted to smoke after the flying ( she always needs it for relaxing/putting her thoughts in order/for understanding how to be. But in that very moment when we were out of the airport building there was no time for it. The taxi drivers stoped us with a question where we are going to move… “North Av.” – “Ok, 2000 rub. or $80” It was too much for that time. – “No, it’s too high” – “Look, it’s raining, u have the bags with things, and the main reason over 30 minutes the bridges will be opened and it will be impossible to get to the north part till tomorrow morning”. My mother said “Ok, let me think, and finish a cigaret…” – “No time to think, finish in the cab”. So we didn’t have choice…
…Over a few minutes we were running through the city. My first look at it, what i saw hmm… I saw strange city, with old architecture, first as I know now, it was a South part of the city, with architeture of the last years of Soviet Union, then a part which looks like a city of the Revolution Time. Then it changed again, it was already a central part – the old architecture of XVIII – XIX century. We had a conversation with driver while all this surfing through the streets of the city. He asked us about Uzbekistan, about Uzbek. Yeah, for now I have a shame for my and for our answers, I understood sooo much. We told that uzbek don’t let us live there. That it’s too hard for Russians live there. And etc. etc. etc.
Really good thing that he was not so bad person, when we arrived, he asked first to check if the address is correct, and if the person is really lives there where we arrived. We did it and thanks to God, all was ok, and the door was opened. The driver helped us to carry in the bags. We were inside the hall of bilduind with 9 flours, and we needed to moved up to the 7 flour. But funny things, I felt me so strong, and when all were at the 7 flour I was wondered, that it is already a 7 flour, because I supposed it is only a 4 flour…
…The door was opened and strange unknown person stood at the enter…
Here I just want to share some my old pictures of my old appartment where me with my mom were making some designs of interior. So 1st is the fresco on the wall of the hall:
In front of this wall we had a table with arm-chairs and other walls of the room had the wall-papers with bricked wall image & with growing leaves… So room had some little effect that arm-chairs standing next to the garden.
That is a balcony where I made a fresco on the ceiling and walls…
And here some pics of the enter… This is combiation of reproductions of some art paitngs, or photos of sculptures and just simple parts of cutted wall papers. Ah and also I added thee some red drops that was a gift japanese paper. There was a small hall and I like this design for walls ’cause it reminds me library…
So such appartment I did have… And with my mom we were decorating it…
All these photos also can be found on My Flickr
Jul. – Aug. 2006, oil on canvas, 38 x 41.
Currently keeping in collection of my mother, Tashkent.
The story of this Painting is next: ?I was in Love with one guy… We had a Fabulous Internet relationship… With interesting exchange of art pieces, I paint for him & about us Paintings, ?he wrote for me and about us screenplays in Woody Allen style. This relationship also was with fabulous Online fights… & very sad silence… Though this silence always kept somewhere any symbol, by him for me, or by me for him… Anyway for 1 year since we knew each other I painted this work. Influented by his short screenplay “Vampire” by Edward Munch painting… Funny thing Edward named this his work “Love ?& Pain”… Painting is about one of his love Julia (red haired girl). And more later one russian psychoanalyst renamed this work from “Love & Pain” to “Vampire”. Like woman as a vampire who sucks man… Though I am used to think this is two lovers and he was so sincere, honest to her and told something that made him show his feelings. And so he just hides his face in her knees, ’cause as strong person can’t allow to show tears.
Ok anyway everybody has right o understand this Munch’s work in his own way.
That time when I published this work I also wrote these lines which are following this work… ?
“…The candles are already lighted and their light is softly dispersed in the room, creating slight shade. Opened piano is in the corner. The red and white roses are softly lying on the ivory. The roses and ivory create the fabulous game of my most favorite colours: RED, WHITE & BLACK…
…The candles are crackling softly. Champagne was poured. Everything is prepared for these two. Everything is waiting for them, but… But the road is retarding them. They are still far away from each other, but anyway they are together…?
…He has stolen her heart forever, and she is always feeling his presence near herself. They both know they are created for each other, they both don’t fancy their existence without each other. They just have to overcome, to survive these troubles, that then to meet each other and never to be separated more. Forever to be together. And now they just surviving this time, which teaches them to understand more each other, to learn each other…?
…The traits of Vampire” by E. Munch are appearing in the dark gloom…?
…She is completely understanding everything, and he can’t keep it inside more…?
…No, it’s not VAMPIRE”, IT IS…?
…”LOVE & PAIN”…”
P. S. Somebody could remeber this work had duble name… Yeah I changed it to this…
a million sighs are surrended
confessions, of a coffee rot mind
between the creative mind and
a head full of too much coffee, heh
an ongoing battle between art and too much thinking
not sure if it’s the wind,
rain or the noises outside
the seashore always gently breaks
softly at the feet of a sweet pink princess
a million sighs are surrended whenever
my affections think softly of this pink princess
the roses, in my garden… that i planted for her
can and will never replace her
to be or not to be… she truly is
to be… the coffee that she drinks
not to be… any evil she has in her soul
a candle so softly burns, in her shadow
like the seashore outside her window
my affections, are the waves breaking
on her toes, that wash her feet
my affections, that wash her feet
her shadow, will never replace her
with the softest eyes
softer than 10,000 bags of marshmellow
with the gentlest looks
more gentle, than a litter of puppies
playing on a summer’s day
she holds the universe, with one brush of her hair
sets the oceans awash, with one gentle smile
like a crushing portrait, forever brushing my affections
with the gentlest looks, sets the oceans awash
strawberry smiles and the softest touch
she makes the nightsky seem pretty ordinary
the softest eyes, like a crushing portrait
a litter of puppies,will never replace her
the moonlight, that she gazes upon
my affections, like the oceans
forever will wash her feet
lit by her burnt out candle
her shadow, will never replace her
the sandcastles that are washed away
outside her window, she gazes upon the castles
made of sand, being washed away
softly, at the feet, of a pink princess
Another Strange period of my life made me paint this work. Though before it I thought about the idea for this painting and image of this painting appeared in my sketchpad time to time. But anyway it was just like interesting composition, without meaning. It was empty, Just sitting girl, holding a window in her arms. In that January before I painted this work I accidentally understood, this girl was me… And I’m holding in My arms this window, that is my freedom. Which seems to be in the cage, though from another side it’s FREEDOM, & HOW FREEDOM COULD BE INSIDE THE CAGE? So in this case I’m in the cage holding the only window I have there and which is like a cage. But that is where my Freedom belong to.
If to think about a technical part of this painting. So well here i am using a traditional method of oil painting. Though well if to open cards, in this work I in the second time was using the real white color. Till Dec. 2005 I always made the white color by myself, buying a special powder.