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Confusion in Autumn. Or 11 days of the hell.

Confusion in Autumn. Or 11 days of the hell.

The idea of this work based on the horrible time of my life, on these my feelings, thoughts. Yeah, for the first look it is pretty work. Who can say that it is hell? Everything is nice, beautiful, normal. But it’s only externally. It’s not such inside. It is very unsteady and ambiguously. This construction is my inner universe. And it is independence of those three fishes.They are swimming between stones. They are very little even small sweet and nice… BUT, but the construction can fall and break off of any tiny movements of those sweet fishes. These fishes are one person who was on my mind and in my thoughts. And these fishes also tell about that silence which was between me and that person. And one more reason why I chosed fish, like a image or like a character for this person… Really don’t know why I decided to sow him as a fish. First I just added three fishes in my sketch and when i was in process of painting I understand that fishes are exactly the thing I needed to use. Cause he is a pisces. The clocks say that 11 days aren’t big time though for me the time went and went, and didn’t want to finish…

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Life is Short. Or Thrown Away Doll

Life is Short. Or Thrown Away Doll

I got an idea for this painting on the way home after the very dreadful conversation 06. 28. 2006. In that time I had another boyfriend, and it was only online relationship. But conversation was really serious and very painful. We were fighting… And in that point Iwas abt to finish all. So I’ve been walking in the street and I’ve seen a doll, a thrown away doll lied on the ground on my way home. It seemed to me we both looked very similar… And not only red hair… This my thought made me feel a shock. And I feel so pity regarding this doll, so I could not just look and do nothing… I took this doll and brought her to my home. While I was going home with doll, I got an idea for this painting, to paint this doll. And probably in any case myself…

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“Self-portrait. Imitation to Durer.”
Really I love the paintings by Albreht Durer. Especially his portraits. But it is a pity about existing of this portrait by Durer I have got to know most later than about oter his works. And as soon as I saw I fell in love with this one and decided to paint my selfportrait in such interpretation. The most funny thing I painted this self-portrait twicely. First I was painting it very quickly. Just a few days and portrait was done. It was very fresh, spring portrait, with pure spring emotions and feelings. But in that time (March of 2004) I was at the 10 level of my school. And at the school’s exams administration of my school also fell in love with this portrait and took it for school collection. :( Yeah, I was discouraged. I was so sad, and angry on the same hand, and decided to paint this portait another time, and dont show it in school. And in that summer 2004 I began to paint it again. BUt the work was going a bit longer, I began quickly, but the middle of work was very long, I stoped few times for a long whiles, during was thinking how to make it better. And only in the middle of the Autumn 2004 the second Portrait was done. First I thought this second portrait is not good, it is much much worse than first. And that is the reason why I painted it so long time, I all the time lost sure abt i am doing a good. And I was thinking so much abt first one, I was sure that it much better. But Life really a wise thing, she let me chance to see my first one. At the 11 level of my school I accidentally saw it. And I was wondering THIS FABULOUS OUTSTANDING FIRST ONE is not so Great as I was thinking. Yeah, it fresh, but when I compared it with second, I feel thatfirst portrait looks not finished. And since hat time I understood I love this econd one. And I don’t regret that administration of school took the first portrait. If it had not been so, I would never have painted this portrait. :)

“Two portraits of Durer, pomegranates and I.”
This portrait I began to paint at the March 2004 as soon as finished working with First portrait Imitation to Durer. And first I made this one like sketch, like a very fresh portrait. Then I put this sketch to the wall of my room. I often looked at it. And in summer 2005 I suddenly decided to finish it, to add some architecture and sky(as my mom says my favorite thing sky) to background. While I was chenging it the ideas came to my mind, and I already decided to add pomegranates, and portraits of Durer. When I was in process of finishing this work I had very strange period of my life. I thought I never could paint again at all. I began many works at that time, but many of them I couldn’t finish in that time. Finally I was angry to myself VERY VERY MUCH! And said to myself: “I CAN! AND I’LL DO IT!!!” Anyway I have finished it. But I’m not sure that it is a good work. May be because it is not canvas, it is panel. But most probably because of those memories about that time.

“Self-portrait… It seems to me we have something to tell to each other…”
This is my favorite self-portrait. I love to draw and to paint myself. And after New Year 2006 I wanted to paint the new self-portrait. I don’t know why and how but at once I’ve understood that Venice should to be on the background. In one art magazine I’ve found the reproduction of Canaletto’s painting “Bay of San Marco”. And I used it in this work. I tried to do this work full of my senses. And it seems to me I could to do it. Anyway people pay great attention to this work. Many times when ordered portraits asked me to paint Venice for background, or use a Duke’s palace. Though I was painted this painting for one person, and really I din’t get the positive reaction in the first moment and for a while he made me thing I painted a very terrible portrait. And so I made this portrait hidden in my room for a while. But then I felt that I missed it, I need to see it. Strange feeling but I was wondered how good is this portrait, when I saw it after a long hidden time. And since this time this portrait with me, yeah, twicely I was needed to take it off from the frame, when I twicely was moved. And even few monthes ago, I made a mistake, turned off the refregerator and I was not at the home. And when I came back this portrait was lying at the next room at the flour, so i found it was getting a bathroom. I was so angry at me, and at the next few weeks I ordered the frames for all canvasses i had without frames. But thanks to God portrait is ok.

“Portrait of my mother”
When I looked to the “Portrait of Maria Lopukhina” by Borovikovsky, I always thought that she is my mother. I mean that it is a portrait of my mom. I ws so proud, in my house I have a few books, and art magazines, where is a portrait of my mom. I was a little girl and very often asked my mother: “Is it your portrait?” She always answered “No, no…” In such moments I thoughts:” Why does my mother lie me?” Anyway in the Autumn 2005 I decided “My children’s dreams have to come true!” And I have begun to paint this portrait. In that time I have made a sketch of this work only. I had a long while when I was a bit afraid to come to this painting, I was not sure I could. And in Apr. 2006 I’ve returned to this work. Yeah, this portrait is very resembling to my mother, though my mother didn’t pose to me at all. I have painted it without her and her photos. She says I could do it because I know her very well. I’m completely agreed with her.
Anyway I think it is a good portrait.

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